Family is a site where solidarity is often assumed and taken for granted: people living with and relying on each other, and sharing common economic and social resources. But a strong sense of solidarity within the family can also be counterbalanced with a sense of lack of independence, privacy and individual agency. This ambivalent situation is often experienced by young Egyptians, who undergo economic, political, social, moral and religious pressure within and outside of their homes. The Egyptian Constitution’s Tenth Article interestingly states that “Family is the basis of society and is based on religion, morality, and patriotism. The state protects its cohesion and stability, and the consolidation of its values.” This underlines the complex parallels existing in Egypt between the structure of the family and that of the State, and how the two rely on each other. Within this frame, I am focusing on domestic spaces and how different forms of solidarity are experienced within them. I argue that space and materiality matter if we want to understand the relationships of power at play, forms of hierarchy and patriarchy in the Egyptian context. Looking at the issue of the Egyptian society at large through the micro-perspective of the family and the household further allows to formulate an even more important question: ‘Is a revolution in the street possible without a revolution in the family?’ 

Noha Mokhtar: Can you say a few words about yourself?
Roommate: Sure. I am 31. I have two sisters who are younger than me. One is married, the other is still very young. We belong to the upper middle class, and both of my parents are retired. My parents are religious, I am not. I lived in the UK for two and a half years, where I completed two Master degrees. My family had no problem with me traveling or even living on my own there, but when I came back to Cairo and said that I wanted to move out, it was a huge problem. They said “there, it made sense, but here in Cairo, there’s no reason.” So when I turned 30, we had that big discussion. I told them that I couldn’t live with them anymore, and that anyway I had no plans getting married soon. I wanted to have my independence. At home I was sharing my room with my sister. She’s very nice, I like her a lot, but that wasn’t comfortable for me. This still didn’t convince them. So when they understood that I was going to move out anyway, their rhetoric changed. “We are old, we need you and you’re going to leave us.” They started to emotionally blackmail me. But at this point I had already made my decision. At the end of a long negotiation­—it took more than a year—we reached a comprise. I had to go home every week-end and spend all my Fridays with my family. I don’t regret moving out. It gives me a certain peace of mind. I feel independent, I can come back to a place that is mine, I have my own room, no one bothers me. Also, my parents live in Heliopolis, which is close to the airport, and my work is close to Zamalek. The commute was unbearable. This worked to my advantage.

NM: Did you chose a workplace that far on purpose?
RM: No.

NM: But you needed a “valid reason” to move out.
RM: Yes, because my parents didn’t understand my whole argument having my space and my independence. There’s a generation gap here. My parents are not super conservative, but they are traditional. My mother didn’t leave the house until she got married, nor did my father. For them it’s a very foreign idea. Nobody in their network has a child who has moved out. They had never been exposed to this idea.

NM: How did you tell them the first time? Did you have a plan or was it all improvised?
RM: I had a strategy! First, I talked with them separately. I knew that it was easier to convince my dad. He’s more open-minded. So I talked with him about it, and he didn’t agree at first. This really shocked me. But I kept talking to him, and then my sister talked to him too. He slowly started to accept the idea, and he said «ok, let’s try.» So the label was very important. It was a trial period. After that we told my mom. She was so mad at my dad! She was even more mad at him than she was at me, because she thought he was supporting me.

NM: Have your parents ever come to your house?
RM:Only once, yes. I invited them for dinner. I hid all the alcohol, I cleaned, I did everything to make the place look nice. My dad was more receptive to it, he was even a bit enjoying it. My mom was on the edge the whole time. She criticized that the house wasn’t well furnished. “Is this what you’re leaving us for?» she said. “I am not leaving because of furniture» I told her. She doesn’t get it, really. She kept criticizing the house, which made me feel bad to be honest, because I really worked hard on making it hospitable for them.

NM: How did you find the apartment?
RM: I found it on a Facebook group for accommodations in Cairo. Craigslist is more directed towards foreigners, while Facebook is more for Egyptians. 

NM: Were you searching for a whole apartment or just a room? 
RM: Just a room. I have flatmates. Actually when I first joined, there was a woman who was almost 40 and one from Germany who was younger. I wasn’t in love with them, but it was OK. At the beginning I was so excited about moving out, that I disregarded small problems. I was just so overwhelmed by the fact that I was finally out. I organized my room, bought new curtains. The oldest roomate had been living in the flat the longest, and she treated us as if we were guests. She would get a cat without asking us for example. This was very frustrating. And then when I had people over, she was very passive-aggressive about it. It started to piss me off at the end, really. But because I already had experiencing the life with flatmates in the UK, my expectations were not too high. This wasn’t going to be heaven. But I wouldn’t complain to my parents about it, because then their solution would be «come back home, we’ve warned you.» After a while both of them left, so I took over the contract. Now the flat is under my name. And this is why I am looking for new flatmates. In the ad, I explicitly asked for females and for no pets!

NM: Was it a condition for your parents that your flatmates must be women?
RM: They didn’t even need to say it. This was for granted. 

NM: What are you criteria to choose new flatmates?
RM: I think I have the capacity to put ground rules that make the flat a good home for everyone. It’s a shared space, it’s not my flat. The only difference is that my name is on the contract but everything else, we share. We consult each other, we update each other when we want to have people over. We keep the place clean. I interviewed my new roommates on Skype before I decided. I chose two Australians. One is working with refugees, the other is learning Arabic.

NM: Do you prefer to live with foreigners?
RM: I had no choice. I don’t mind living with Egyptians. But having a majority of non-Egyptian people in the flat was the landlord’s preference.

NM: Why?
RM: It’s less complicated with the neighbors and the bawab[1]. If you have people over and they’re foreigners, there’s no problem. But if we are only Egyptians, then it’s not OK. Neighbors are like moral police.

NM: Can you explain this a bit more?
RM: Having your friends over, or even your boyfriend, is less of a problem if the flat is not 100% Egyptian. The way foreigners and Egyptians are judged is very different.

NM: Taking about the bawab, the doorman, what is your relationship to him?
RM: We’re on very good terms. I invested in this. I took the time to introduce myself, getting to know a bit about him and his family…You know establishing a personal relationship and make him understand that this is my home and not just a place I am renting for ... And obviously in Ramadan and Eid, I give him some money.

NM: Could you describe the space and the distribution of the apartment?
RM: The flat is very big. It’s divided into two parts. The inside can be closed by two doors. There, we have two rooms, a bathroom and the kitchen. In the other part, outside, is where the living room, the dining room and my room are.

NM: When you say «inside» and «outside», do you make a clear distinction when you have guests for example? Is there a part of the flat that is more private than the rest?
RM: Usually when we have guests, we stay in the living room. If they want to make some tea or get a beer from the fridge, they can go to the kitchen. But they don’t wander around.

NM: You said that your mother complained about the furniture. Where did you get it from?
RM: It was furnished already. The furniture in my flat is from the eighties! It’s not perfect, but it’s comfortable. That’s important.

NM: In many flats I have visited, there were two sets of sofas: the entrée and thesalon. One is to receive guests, the other, less formal, to watch TV.
RM: We don’t have an entrée. When you get in, you directly have the dining room, and then behind it the living room.

NM: How would you describe your neighborhood?
RM: I love it! Zamalek is so alive, and everything is very close. You can get groceries, go for food, take a walk.

NM: Is walking in the street different in Zamalek and Heliopolis?
RM: Hmm.. because the area in Heliopolis where my parents live is very nice too, I didn’t have problems walking in the street. But I would say it’s nicer in Zamalek. You go to a coffee shop and you hear people speaking different languages. This is why I also really love London, it’s so diverse! Heliopolis is more residential.

NM: Have you ever had any problems with your neighbors?
RM: Not until now. We’re lucky. But I have to say that our building has had foreigners living in it for years. So everyone is used to it.

NM: What is the difference between living with roommates and living with your family?
RM: It’s a huge difference! Privacy is number one. If I’m in my room, nobody is going to knock on my door and just walk in, which my mom and dad would do. I have more freedom. Having my friends over, having dinner with them, watching a movie, or having drinks.I couldn’t do these things in my parent’s house. My mom was like «if your friends are coming over, I have to clean, I have to cook…» It was a huge burden.

Noha Mokhtar: Hi, can you say a few words about yourself?
Roommate: I am 25. I live in Downtown Cairo. I’ve been living on my own for the past 9 years. I used to be a dentist, I have a dental degree. Now I work as a cartoonist. That’s how I earn my living. I’m not interested in dentistry anymore. Most of my family is in the medical field. We belong to the middle class and we are Muslims. I mean me, I’m not really religious. As a teenager I always had this urge to speak up and challenge the traditions. When I was 16, I went to college in Cairo and after that I quickly found a job so I could afford to stay here on my own. But because rents in Downtown are a bit high, I need to find a flatmate.

NM: Where did you live before?
RM: My parents use to live in Mansoura, where I grew up. Now they live in Tagamoa El Khamis, in New Cairo. I usually go see them once a week for 6-7 hours. Just a visit. Like a prison visit. 

RM: Do you have to?
RM: No, it’s something I want to. I can’t live with them under the same roof, but I can see them occasionally. I think in general it’s very hard to live with your family 24/7. And now we’re talking about parents who are older, who have very different backgrounds and experiences.

NM: When you decided to move out, how did you proceed?
RM: Gradually. I told you that I studied dentistry in Cairo. To study far from my hometown was an alibi to move out. At the beginning I lived in the dorms. But it was so messy, that I stayed only 5 nights. I told my parents that I couldn’t stand the dorms, and that I was going to live with a friend in a shared flat. The deal was that I would live there for half of the week and the other half I would go home to my parents’. And step by step, I reduced the time I spent there to a few hours a week. So I didn’t experience the usual massive confrontation.

NM: Do you have siblings?
RM: I have one younger brother and two sisters who are older. My brother is studying abroad. One of my sister got married, the other is a doctor. She wants to continue her training abroad too.

NM: Do you think that the fact that you moved out of your family house somehow influenced them in their choices?
RM: Of course. I was the first experience for my parents and I opened the way for my brother. It was easier for him. As for my sister, I wouldn’t say it’s easy, but still, studying abroad became an option. I think that me moving out of the house and living independently made things easier for my sister too, at least indirectly.

NM: So there’s a sort of solidarity between you. You help each other.
RM: Of course. It’s family.

NM: Have you ever traveled outside of Egypt?
RM: Just once. To Mecca.

NM: How did you find the apartment you’re living in now?
RM: I’ve been living in Downtown Cairo since many years. And I know some brokers. You have to know the brokers of your neighborhood. Usually when I want to change apartment, I go ask them if they have something that fits my criteria.

NM: So you didn’t use Craigslist or Facebook?
RM: These platforms are good if you’re looking for a room or a flat to share, but if you’re looking for the whole apartment, it’s more convenient to work with brokers.

NM: Why did you chose Downtown Cairo?
RM: I love the atmosphere here. Maybe it’s also somehow related to what we experienced after the revolution. And I feel at home here. There’s a lot of old cafés, places for the arts, things like that. It’s also more convenient for my work: a lot of agencies, specially magazines and newspapers are located around here.

NM: You posted an ad searching for a roommate. Did you find someone?
RM: I found a German. A very sweet girl. She stayed for a few months and after she left, a friend of hers from India took over her room. He stayed for two months. Now I am looking for someone new. Both of my previous roommates were really great. For me it was an incredibly enriching cultural experience. Also a way to improve my English. But actually all this is new to me. Before that, I used to live with my friends, with Egyptians. Last year, I decided that I wanted to meet people from different backgrounds, who speak different languages. I am not against Egyptian flatmates, but foreigners have the advantage. So if I have a foreigner and an Egyptian and both look like decent guys, I would chose the foreigner.

NM: And does it matter if it’s a guy or a girl?
RM: Yeah…well with foreigners it doesn’t matter. But if it’s an Egyptian girl, it’s not OK. It’s not fair, I know, but in Egypt if your flatmate is a girl…It could be a potential problem. The neighbors for example, if they want to put pressure on you, they can cause you problems very easily. My landlord, well my landlord is just picky about money, he doesn’t really care about who lives here. But the environment itself…You would be under the spotlight.

NM: You mean people would make comments or question you?
RM: No, no one would say anything. But you have to be strict about it and make them understand that it’s not their business. You have to be polite, and strict. You have to adapt to your surroundings and keep things cool. And living with an Egyptian girl is a potential problem. So you want to avoid it. It’s not my choice, and it’s not even forbidden as such, but it’s just more convenient to chose a man if you want to avoid being in trouble.

NM: What would be the consequences?
RM: For example, look my Indian flatmate: he’s that weird tattooed guy from that exotic culture. No one will comment on his comings and goings. People will say «he’s a foreigner». So if he comes home with a girl at night, no one would say anything. If an Egyptian girl would bring a guy home, even if it’s just a friend, people will keep track of her moves. They will make some statistics, keep record. Personally for me it’s not a problem at all, I am quite free to do what I want and have guests of any gender and nationalities. But I made it my rule to stay as discreet as possible. I will not come home very drunk, loud or causing any trouble. I am a decent and peaceful neighbor.

NM: Can you describe your apartment?
RM: Well, the first thing you’ll see when you enter is the living room. It has three compartments. One is the sitting areas, with couches and chairs. The second one is for dining, with a big round dining table. This is where I usually work. The third is miscellaneous. In the back there’s one kitchen, one bathroom and two bedrooms. I have to say it’s a very large apartment. The bedrooms are not very big, which is a good thing actually. This way I spend a lot of time in the living room, working or hanging out with flatmates and having friends over. I used to have a small living room before that, and it really was a headache, because I don’t like having people come to my room. It’s important for me to have a line, to keep a certain privacy.